Feeling distractible today--it's snowing in Boise--and hopefully it's the last.
Do you ever just welcome the distracted and interrupted feeling?
...even though you have a 'list of stuff to do', and just embrace the interrupting nature of the mind and the world in tandem?
And still "get things done", but also fall into the euphoric smooziness of 'whatever's next'?
I get lost in my google photos drive. Usually it's an accident, but today, it was intentional.
I find all the vainglorious self portraits--that I've modified into oblivion--because
I'm like @FridaKahlo, and one of my own best subjects is ME.
It's something I know a lot about.
And I make these swirls. Because I think Howdie is right. And we're repeating patterns in a system. And I notice. (And the cycle is 9 years).
"WHAT WE RESIST; PERSISTS"
And so many other good clichés that I can live my life by.
"PRIDE IS A HIDE"
...you ever heard that one?
It's a rare gem from the world of "release".
And it means that you use PRIDE as a strategy to HIDE from deeper truths.
Truths about YOURSELF.
And Pride lets you believe you're so smart, and so capable to figure out what's going on, and so cocksure and knowing, that you remain limited--and gladly--by pride.
you can "LET IT GO", and you move up into a space beyond pride.
And sometimes it feels courageous. Or peaceful. Or accepting.
And the fearful jag and jerk of pain that was hovering there--a subtle but half-aware feeling--of knowing you're lying to yourself...
And there's an increased sense of awareness of the world.
Maybe even a feeling of having jumped timelines. Sometimes
and it feels like we're 'back where we used to be'.
A woman helped me to make a mantra to dissolve a spiritual contract I'd put on myself at age 15...
And after I'd repeated it daily for 3 weeks or more--I felt the sense of release--and I the awareness came to me... That I'd jumped onto a track that I'd left behind way back when.
And I started growing my hair.
Because I knew it would
"GIVE ME MY POWER BACK"
...and it did.
And my ability to make art & to dance and to sing and to play music... They all increased in power.
And my fear of being judged and my fear of repercussion--they all melted slowly away.
And the process continues yet today!
And I take a zillion photographs... Even with no plan to print or share or edit them.
And I feel more and more free.
I welcome my freedom above all else. Even if it feels like I'm gonna be crushed, or die, or be ridiculed or attacked.
I say "great!"
...I welcome it all.
But I don't die, and I don't get attacked. It's all just thoughts and feelings. And you can welcome them and they'll just hang around for a second and then they'll go away.
And there's this sense of relief and joy and peace and strength.
And then the aciton steps are easier.
& you can leave the typos sometimes--without a worry--not caring if the grammar nazis cruise your thread & notice, or chime in, & if they do, you can admit:
"I WASN'T OVER FOCUSED ON SPELLING OR GRAMMAR--OR EVEN ON THE READER'S COMPREHENDING--BECAUSE I WAS WRITING MORE FOR ME"
And sometimes the energy carries, and sometimes it fades. Like now. Like this feeling to zap one more picture into the thread...
AND PUSH SEND